**Ocean Beach. Seven square miles surrounded by reality.**

Subtle humor, eh? You might need to know Ocean Beach is a hippie community of people somewhat detached from reality. That gave me a theme -- math-based puns that we couldn't understand without some basic math knowledge. For example,

**The United Kingdom and the United States - Two nations divided by a common language.**

Ok, this one is a bit different:

**A man sent in ten jokes to the newspaper, hoping to win a prize. But no pun in ten did.**

Advice to all math teachers:

**You must tell the truth, nothing but the truth, but not the whole truth.**

Another one on math teachers?

**A math teacher is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.**

Moving on... the title of a book on elementary math:

**Arithmetic Simplified, by Lois Carmen DeNominata**- OK, we can do better than that one, can't we? How about this from Alice in Wonderland:
asked Alice.*How many hours a day did you do Lessons?*said the Mock Turtle,*Ten Hours the first day*,*nine the next, eight the next, and so on.*exclaimed Alice.*What a curious plan!*the Gryphon remarked,*That's the reason they're called Lessons,**because they lessen from day to day.*

- Let's try a family math joke.

**My life is all arithmetic**, the young mother exclaimed to a friend.**I try to lose weight, add income, divide my time, and try to keep my children multiplying!**

**Why are turkeys so good at arithmetic? Because they are always counting the number of chopping days til Thanksgiving.**

I know times are tough in the banking industry, and there's lots of turnover and turmoil. But we can still try to joke about them, can't we?

**I went into the bank the other day and asked the teller to check my balance. He reached out and shoved me!**

Well, how about more arithmetic?

**How many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left after you do?****I can do it as many times as I want, and there is always 76 left.**

Moving on to more complex things:

**A statistician is a man who puts his head in the oven, his feet in an ice chest, and says that on average, he feels comfortable.**

You know what? It's not that easy to make math-related puns that are funny. I've saved you from hundreds of bad ones. We'll end here:

**Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip? To get to the other ... uh ... hmmm**

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